APATHY MY A**

You cannot convince me people today are indifferent; that most people exist in a state of self-absorption.  Just the other day a helpful soul was kind enough to point out my miscalculation regarding the items in my cart. Picking up two magazines while waiting pushed me from 15 items-or-less to 17 items. While pointing out my error, she took the time to inquire about my education. As she smiled malevolently, I moved to the other line - behind the convoy of carts containing a year’s groceries for a family of nine - entering the spirit by commenting on how proud she must be counting to a figure so far above her I.Q.  She replied with reference to my grooming habits and directions to where she must have wrongly assumed I lived. I commented on her obvious parental heritage. We parted company with a single-digit wave.

I had gotten my dog from the vet before making the quick stop at the store. The temperature was a cool 60, and I had parked in the shade and made sure the windows were cracked. Returning, I saw a note under the wiper. It was a communiqué from a ‘friend’.  Saying I had endangered the life of a, “precious and trusting creature.” this heroic stranger had struggled with the temptation to shatter my windshield and rescue my pet from the danger I had exposed her to by leaving her in the car.  Luckily, he opted instead for taking my license number and leaving a promise to stalk me in the future.  I looked at the dog, who was lying on her back, licking the door handle and passing gas and said a quick prayer; “God! What next?”

Driving home, heeding the speed limit, I found I had friends everywhere.  As they sped by, most drivers had a gesture, animated look or interesting comment to shout.  Not to mention those folks trying to get close enough to my bumper for me to read their lips in my rear view mirror. 

Once home, I signaled my left turn into the drive and one last friend passed (on the left!) in a life endangering effort to make my acquaintance. As I stepped into the house the phone was ringing.  It was a wrong number, but the caller just knew I was teasing her!  She demanded my name and my phone number.  When I declined to give her such intimate information, she had such creative suggestions for my future I almost couldn’t bear slamming the receiver down repeatedly while screaming a few suggestions myself.

Minutes later I received another call. The gentleman inquired whether I owned my home.  I countered that it was none of his business.  He suggested I try something that sounded anatomically impossible. I, in turn replied that it was obvious that his parents had never married and suggested an exotic main course for his next meal. After pulling the phone from the wall and chewing through the cord, I settled back and contemplated my day.

Nearly every person I’d come into contact with had been happy - no eager - to offer suggestions, directions, opinions and advice on everything, from improving my personality, overcoming behavioral flaws to raising the standards of my driving technique, phone etiquette and lifestyle.

            Maybe there is hope for us yet!